Jay (M) – not quite 16, independent, jokester type who sometimes gets carried away with the situations going on around him; the play tells his coming-of-age story.

Arty (M) – Jay’s younger brother, he is about 13 years old. More of an observer than the rest of his family, he often goes with the flow of things, but also can be a little childish.

Eddie (M) – Jay’s middle-aged father, about 41. After the death of his wife, he is forced to send his two sons to live with their grandmother, while he repays his large financial debts. He is shown to be, much like his sisters, a nervous wreck around Grandma.

Bella (F) – Mid thirties, Jay’s aunt. She is sometimes a bit off-center and is mentally challenged, but despite this she is also loving and protective of her nephews. Much of the second half of the play focuses on her attempts at independence from her stern mother.

Grandma Kurnitz (F) – Eddie and Bella’s mother, a big woman, buxom, with a strong and erect body, Mid 60’s - early 70s years of age. Jay’s grandmother. A very old and stern woman. Owing to her harsh childhood, she has always been very intolerant of what in others she calls “weaknesses”. She is blunt, sometimes even in a funny way, and always knows what is going on with the people around her.

Louie (M) – Jay’s flamboyant, jovial uncle, about 36, who comes to live with the family when he is hiding from the local mob. He is considered by Grandma Kurnitz to be the “survivor” of the family. He has a strong, mercurial nature, and a certain underlying dark side, which the kids uncover in the second act of the play. He works as a “bag-man” for the mob.

Aunt Gert (F) – Jay’s aunt, and Grandma’s daughter, mid to late 30s. She is a very interesting addition to the family. Her most noticeable issue is that when she breathes she has a tendency to suck in while still speaking, as a result of trauma instilled in her by Grandma from a young age.